The cure
by Ms-Dixie-Leonard
Summary: Kind of a work in progress at the moment, but the story is going to follow Rachel who has hit rock bottom way after high school and is trying to claw her life back to somewhat normality. Quinn comes back into her life unexpectedly and may offer just the thing Rachel needs.
1. Prologue

Rachel Berry walked the halls of McKinley with an air of superiority over her. Holding her head high and her body strong she dodged and weaved her way through the masses of student bodies, in her own mind she was a force to be reckoned with, but to everyone else she was a nobody. Bottom of the totem pole. Hardly even noticeable if it wasn't for her tragic fashion sense or her need to be centre of attention.

She wasn't popular by any standards, nor did she fit into the conformity of what was deemed 'popular'. She wasn't tall, at 5'2 she was significantly smaller than everyone else in her grade. She didn't have much in the way of fashion, and she still wore her long chestnut brown hair in the style of a 12year old. She didn't have many friends, just those she shared Glee club with, even at that she wouldn't consider them nor they wouldn't consider her and actual friend. In her two years at McKinley she hadn't made much of an impact, just enough that people knew who she was or should I say, who Her bullies led people to believe she was.

However, Rachel did have one thing that made her stand out from the crowd, she has this incredible powerful voice that brought whole arenas to attention. People literally stopped dead in their tracks and stood to her attention. She was mesmerising completely and profoundly. And that's exactly why she never let a word any of the other kids said destroy her. Someday she was going to be someone, someone they looked up to, someone that they would tell anyone they met "I used to go to school with her". She was going to be a star, her face was going to light up every billboard on Broadway, she was going to make it, what she suffered at high school was simply paying her dues.

That's why she can walk these halls with her head high and confidence ripping from her. She walked the corridors with a skip in her step, smiling widely at every student who ignored her. Saying a cheery 'good morning' to those who accidently made eye contact. She was ignored by everyone until she felt the sharp pain of a thousand needles stabbing her at once in the face, neck and chest. Stopping dead, she scraped her hand across her eyes and waved her hand to the ground removing a thick gloop of blue slushie, and letting it fall to the waxed floor in enough time to see 4 or 5 football guys walking away high fiving and cheering.

Everyone's attention was certainly on her now as her eyes wandered the thousand staring back at her, they didn't even bother to hide the fact they found it funny, half where doubled over and half where holding their phones in front of her catching this moment, she sighed 'great I'm going viral again' she muttered to herself. she looked round again and her heart stopped when she saw her main tormentor looking back, hand covering her mouth sniggering into her palm. Rachel's face twisted into a frown which made the girl laugh harder. She hated Quinn fucking Fabray.

Quinn Fabray was at the other end of the social spectrum from Rachel. Being head cheerleader made her the most popular girl in school. It didn't hurt that she was incredibly beautiful, that she had the most mesmerising hazel eyes and the greatest smile you've ever seen in your life. Seriously google Quinn Fabray, I'll wait. Done? Good. She really is a picture of teenage perfection, perfect face, pefect body, perfect blonde hair but perfect bitch.

She literally had it all, popularity, brains, power, dating the quarterback Finn Hudson, and a gaggle of cheerleaders that followed her about like she was the new flippin messiah. All this ensuring her reign of the school, No matter how perfect her life was or seemed to be, she was miserable. She thought she was going crazy, she had everyting she had ever wanted but it didn't feel the way it should or atleast the way she thought it should. Something wasn't right, something was missing, something that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"You know it's getting a bit tired" Finn's voice broke her from her daydream and she realised she was still staring off into the space Rachel had fumbled off in.

"hmmmm sorry, what?"

"Slushing people, its tired. Plus, why do you always have to pick on Rachel like that? she's actually kind of cool"

She stared at him, like really stared. No-blinking-eyes wide-unsettlingly stared at him, his eyebrows furrowed and he looked around himself to make sure there was witnesses before clearing his throat in an attempt to break her stare.

"What makes you think I had something to do with it?" she scolded him through gritted teeth. Suddenly he regretted ever speaking in his whole entire life.

His eyes found his feet quickly but she was already in full bitch mode. How dare he just assume that she was behind this, and how dare he when for once she wasn't.

Finn Hudson was 6'3 and strong. He was the quarterback if the football squad and captain of the basketball team in their respective seasons. He was idolised by everyone in the school. He was extremely handsome with a stong jawline and crystal blue eyes, ad lazily waxed hair that stood in a perfect peak on the top of his head. Hew as a perfect jock and was rarely seen without his letterman jacket. But unlike his other team mates, he was kind. He didn't like hurting anybody's feelings or bullying people especially the people he was in Glee club with, who welcomed him with open arms after his run in with drugs, even though they weren't his in the first place, he still wasn't sure how that happened if he was being honest.

He loved going to Glee, but it he also loved football. So he always felt himself inevitably stuck in the middle, especially after Quinn had joined for reason he himself still didn't understand. An impatient sigh came from the 5'7 body standing in front of him, fist balled on her hips glaring at him, his broad shoulders sunk, how did she always seem to overpower him like this.

"Guess the football team finally scored, yaaaaaaaaaay"

Santana Lopez approached them clapping her hands together without making a sound, even though her actions where sarcastic it was clear by the wicked smile that presided over her lips that she was in fact the dealer of Rachel's misfortune today. Quinn cocked a arrogant eyebrow at Finn who in turn shrugged his shoulders.

"wait, was there a game? did we miss it ?" Brittany Pierce asked looking innocently between them all.

"No sweetie, was talking about Berry's family reunion"

"Berry's family is here?"

the blonde almost looked excited as her eyes started scanning the hallway. Santana's evil smirk turned into a loving as she turned her entire attention to Brittany and explained the slushie was raspberry flavour. Brittany smiled feigning understanding but still looked a little confused. Quinn watched their interaction with a quirked eyebrow, They where her best friends in the entire world, and at the crux of everything they where really decent people who loved each other and where good to each other, just not everyone else.

To everyone else, They were an untouchable force of cheerleading perfection. They ran the school, people feared them but worshipped them, people wanted to be them and some people wished they had never been born. When they walked the halls bodies parted like the Red sea, do you know what it's like to be a teenager with that much power? It ruined them, they became nasty and vindictive. They called people names, slushied people and ridiculed people to the point they made people's lives a living hell. For no reason other than their own enjoyment. Brittany didn't enjoy it but participated, Santana really enjoyed it and Quinn, Quinn just felt empty but relished the power.

"Anyway, as I was saying to Quinn," on cue Quinn shot him the same glare she had been, "maybe we should stop slushing the Glee kids, we are a team after all"

Santana spun on her heel to face him and suddenly he realised that Quinn wasn't the scariest cheerleader "what's up marshmallow man, don't you like your crush all wet and nasty?"

"I-I don't have a crush on Rachel" he stumbled out to her before turning his attention to Quinn who had just slammed her locker door shut "I don't"

He pleaded but it was too late Quinn had already started walking away down the corridor. She was mad at Santana, she knew this was Quinn's biggest insecurities but she was also mad at Finn and the way his cheeks flushed a slight shade of crimson before his fake denial, this was something they would pay for later, she had other more important things to deal with right now.

* * *

Rachel finally made it to her destination and pushed herself through the bathroom door, the bathroom was empty for once and she sighed a breath of relief but the relief was short lived when she realised the door had opened almost as quickly as she had shut it.

"Girl, we just saw you run by, is everything?" Mercedes trailed off when her eyes connected with the wetness of Rachel's hair and the blue stain smeared on what had previously been a white sleeveless shirt. She instantly bolted towards the sink and began running the faucet.

"This has got to stop" Tina said handing her a handful of paper towels.

All three girls set to removing the slushie from Rachel, this had been going on since the Glee club started last year, for some reason they became everyone's favourite target, which was weird considering there was so many other, possibly geekier clubs in the school. After sectionals, last year it seemed to get 100% worse and each member who wasn't on the football squad or a cheerio took to wearing rain jackets at all times or at least until summer months rolled around.

"At least I know I'm safe for a few days" her optimistic tone was squashed when she saw the eye roll Tina and Mercedes shared.

"Or until you piss Quinn of again"

It was known around the school the Rachel was Quinn's favourite toy, she loved to think of ways to absolutely destroy the girl, even going as far as starting a rumour that Rachel was a transvestite. As absurd as it was, it stuck, and Rachel was still convinced half the student body believed it. Rachel has a problem though, she was too stubborn for her own good and often found herself going out of her way to aggravate Quinn and it turn Quinn tormented her.

"I'll have you know, I have done nothing to annoy Quinn" she thought for a second, she was almost sure she hadn't, wait... ' _what day was it?'_

Opening her mouth to refute the previous comment it snapped shut without a word being uttered. The bath room door had swung open and into their sanctuary sauntered Quinn. She walked with purpose and one hand on her hip. All three other girls watched her and she briefly met their eyes with a snigger and a snarl before heading towards the sink furthest away from them and turned on her faucet. Kurt's worried face came into view in the doorway before the door slammed shut with a thud.

No one said anything, the only sound in the room was coming from the water pouring down the sink. They watched her as she watched them back in the mirror.

"Can I help you with something?"

Mercedes and Tina instantly looked away while Rachel continued to stare, pouting her lips she placed both hands on both hips trying to make her small frame bigger. Quinn turned to face the brunette and let out a snigger when her eyes travelled the blue stain that covered 70% of Rachels shirt, while Mercedes rolled her eyes to heavens praying for Rachel to back down.

"What are you staring at, RuPaul?"

Rachel chuckled at the name.

"What's so funny?

"That you think that's in insult, I understand why you think it would hurt me, you know seeing as I'm a transvestite, thanks for that by the way, but it just shows how uneducated a person you are"

Mercedes and Tina took a step back preparing for the wrath of Quinn.

"Uneducated? I've got a higher GPA than you!" Quinn bit back

"That I highly doubt"

"Got an answer for everything haven't you? why don't you scuttle off and live under a bridge with the other trolls?"

"too many people would miss me" she said, silently praying for Quinn to answer a certain way because she was about to throw a grenade at her

"ha! name one person that would miss you"

Bingo, Rachel's face lit up like a Christmas tree, "Finn"

Quinn was across that floor in two strides, landing mere inches from a defiant Rachel, inside Rachel was trembling, Quinn was as scary as people made her out to be but she wouldn't back down from her, she had to keep a little of the power for herself. Quinn was furious as jealously tore through her like a volcano and erupted into pure unadulterated rage. How dare she talk about her boyfriend like that.

Mercedes and Tina had faded that much into the background that they were practically shadows. This was it. This was the day she was going to kill Rachel Berry with her bare hands.

"Say it again" Quinn goaded

Rachel looked up into the flaring hazel staring back down to her and let a smile play across her lips. "I think I made my point"

Quinn pushed her, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to make her stumble back. It was this point Mercedes and Tina Intervened, and tried to block Rachel but the bell ringing above their heads did that for them and Quinn backed off, turning back to the mirror she checked her face, pulled at her ponytail and straightened out her cheerleading costume before turning back to Rachel

"I'll get you later for this" she promised and left the bathroom.

* * *

Later came after Glee club, Rachel was the only left in the choir room, she was putting things into her bag when she heard the sound of footsteps echoing down the corridor and screeching to a stop, smiling she spun on her heel expecting to find Finn who always forgot something, but her heart fell to her stomach when she found Quinn leaning up against the doorframe, eye fixed upon her, with that smug look on her face.

"What do you want?" she said turning back to the piano and pulling the discarded music sheets into a neater pile.

Quinn didn't answer her and silence fell around her, making Rachel very aware of the sound of her own heartbeat. She continued tidying and listening as footsteps began again, only this time coming into the room. Her heart stopped when the sound of the door locking clicked around the room and then started beating twice as fast when the room was plunged into darkness with the only light streaming in through the slits in the door.

She felt like prey being stalked and turned instantly to face her tormentor, Quinn was closing in on her at an alarming rate. The breath caught in her chest as she watched Quinn stride towards her with purpose and only stop when she was less than a foot away from her.

"You won't get away with this, someone will come"

Quinns perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose at this statement.

"I already am"

Quinn smiled looking around the room and stepping into Rachel who instinctively took a step back but Quinn stepped into her again, so she took another step back and only stopped when her body was up against the piano and literally had nowhere else to go.

Quinn towered over her, and all Rachel could see was the blazing hazel eyes burning into her. She swallowed hard and tried to stop her body from trembling but by the satisfied smile that now engaged her face Rachel knew Quinn could feel everything that was radiating from her.

"I promised I would get you later and I always keep my promises"

They were now practically breathing the same air as Quinn took another step into her, pinning her against the hard wood of the piano, their bodies almost touching but barely was enough to make Rachel's body flush with heat and her skin prickle at the no-so-much contact. Rachel watched as Quinn took her bottom lip and nibble gently on the corner of it. Her body flushed again and that was enoygh.

That was enough for Rachel to reach forward and pull onto the back of Quinn's neck to pull her lips to her own. Their bodied finally fully connected and slammed against the piano. Hands wondering hurriedly all over each other, their mouth pushing hastily against each other, almost frantically but well-practised. Rachel hummed delight when she felt Quinn's hand clamp down onto her hips and without direction she wrapped her arms around her neck allowing her body to be pushed up onto the piano and Quinn came to stop between her legs.

Their kiss became more forceful as Quinn reached up and cupped Rachel's cheeks deepening the kiss further. Eventually they pulled apart for much needed air and looked at each other, the same smile on both their faces, Rachel tilted Quinn's face up and brushed the pad of her thumb along the blonde's bottom lip to wipe the smeared lip gloss. Quinn smiled and leaned into the touch

"I really missed you today" she breathed

"Me too" Rachel smiled back and brought their lips back together in a softer kiss.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:** there is references to death in this chapter. there is another note at the end of the Chapter also.

I DO NOT own Glee or characters used within this fiction.

Like I said before this is work in progress, I have an idea where I'm going with it but still working out the storyline so please bare with me ill try to upload as much as possible. as of right now the main story is going to be told primarily from Rachel's POV with some parts being told from Quinn's.

I apologise in advance for bad spelling or grammar, I've re-read it several times and it makes sense in my head lol.

* * *

 **Rachel**

The building was underwhelming to say the very least, it was non-descript, she'd probably passed by it over a million times without actually giving it a second glance. It was most definitely nothing like the ones they showed on TV but suddenly it was the scariest place in the world to her.

Pulling her watch into view she instantly felt sick as her head rushed with a thousand thoughts at once each one propelling her body's urge to run, to run as fast as possible and as far as possible in the opposite direction. Taking a deep settling breath and holding it she pulled at the scarf around her neck and loosened it slightly.

"It's ok, It's gonna be ok" she told herself, while the voice inside her head screamed at her that it wasn't.

The breath she was holding onto was finally thrust out as she fought against every natural instinct in her body and forced herself to walk towards the main entrance.

She was directed to a staircase and then to a door which opened into a small waiting area. Rachel eyed the entire thing curiously, it was barely big enough for the small reception desk that sat perpendicular to the door she was habiting, there was a two-seater couch to the right of it and a skinny hallway with 3 or 4 doors coming off it.

The receptionist smiled broadly at Rachel and beckoned her further into the room, which seemed to be closing even further into her, she knew the second that she closed the door she was hanging onto for dear life there was no going back. She took another steadying breath and after giving her name, the receptionist instructed her to take a seat while she waited. She looked at he small faux leather sofa and thanked the stars above that she didn't still wear those tight pencil skirts she became accustomed to in college.

She waited less than five minutes when a plump dark-skinned woman appeared, Rachel watched her curiously, again not what she expected, she had loose fitting slacks on and a purple sweater that clung to every curve. In one hand, she had a mug of what she assumed to be coffee, and in the other a file, a file that only then did Rachel realise was her file. This was actually happening and her blood run cold. The weeks and the days she had spent fixated on actually attending the appointment had overshadowed the actual appointment and why she was here in the first place.

"Are you ready?" The woman smiled.

Rachel looked at her but glanced to the door, she could just leave, she could just get up a walk out. She was an adult, an adult who made her own decision and choices. Internally she laughed at herself. It was her decisions and choices that led her to this point in the first place. Forcing a toothy grin she turned back to the woman and got up from her seat and followed her down the hall.

The door swung open after being kicked and the woman stepped aside and let Rachel enter the small room first. Inside the room there where two small blue armchairs that faced each other, with a coffee table length wise between the pair, upon the table where an assortment of pamphlets which instantly transported her back to high school to Miss Pillsbury's office and her heart fell with dread.

The walls of the room where painted a horrible off white nearly yellow colour and decorated by random cheap canvasses. There was one long window to the right of the room and Rachel's eyes rose at the black metal bars that covered it.

"Don't worry, it's not to stop you from escaping, it's to stop me throwing the computer out"

Rachel smiled briefly and crossed her arms over her chest and began to fidget with the front of her hair, hovering in between the two-chair awaiting further instruction.

"Sit down where you feel more comfortable"

Her eyes flicked from seat to seat before finally sitting down in the chair closest to her while picking up the cushion and placing it in front of her. The woman sat opposite, and organised the file in front of her.

"Breathe" she smiled at Rachel "Everything that happens here today is dependent on you, you are in charge"

Rachel relaxed a little at that and gave the woman the slightest of a sincere smile she could muster.

"So, today is about getting to know each other, building a foundation of trust and also what is expected from me and what is expected from you" she took a breath allowing Rachel to take it in.

"I'll go first, my name is Baki, and I'm one of the CBT therapists here. Everything that is said in here today is between me and you unless I feel you pose a threat to yourself or someone else"

Rachel smiled "I can assure you I'm not a threat to anyone"

Baki eyed her, "What about yourself?"

Rachel thought about that, longer than she probably should have "I'm not going to hurt myself if that's what you're asking"

Baki nodded "to reiterate, anything said in any of our sessions is between you and I"

Baki went through a few more ground rules before placing the file in her hand down onto the table and turning her full attention back to Rachel, who was fidgeting with the cushion she was holding against her stomach.

"Let's start with something easy, tell me about your family"

Rachel's eyes instantly dropped to her lap and she watched as her fingers compulsively pulled at each others, that wasn't something easy. It was actually far from easy. Dropping her fingers she sat up straighter and looked back to Baki.

"There's no-one left" she sighed, dropping her fingers she bagan to pull at the threat of the cushion.

Baki surveyed her, well the top of her head but didn't say anything she just simply waited until Rachel's soft voice began to speak again.

"I had two fathers" Rachel waited for the look she often got when she said that sentence, Baki smiled kindly to prompt her to continue.

"Both of them died a few years ago" she explained barely above a whisper.

"At the same time?" Baki asked, Rachel shook her head and looked back down.

"My Dad Hiram died after suffering a heart attack, and my Daddy Leroy died the next year after suffering from pancratic cancer" she shrugged.

Baki studied her, Noting that no emotion came from her. Nothing that resembled someone who had lost both her parents at such a young age.

"Tell me about your father Hiram"

Rachel looked at her her, "What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me" came back the far from simple answer

Rachel thought for a moment before sinking back into the chair.

"He was a lawyer, but not like a courtroom lawyer, he worked for a company. Never really around much. Always working, always shouting, always stressing. Probably why he had a heart attack" she shruggedagain almost unconnected to what she was saying.

"And your other father?, Leroy?"

She dropped her eyes back to the cushion and held it closer to herself. "He was a good man, I loved him so much. Too much probably" she half smiled "He was more present than my other father, when I was younger and When i was upset he would bring me a glass of water and rock me back to sleep if I had a nightmare. After dad died he wasn't the same and then he got sick, really sick and very quickly" she stalled for a second "Suddenly it was me bringing him glasses of water and rocking him to sleep.

"When your fathers died, where you there?"

"When my Dad had his heart attack I was in New York performing, I wasn't told until after the show because my Daddy thought it wouldn't matter when I was told, it wasn't gonna hurt any less either way but I was there when my Daddy died"

Baki nodded her head slowly before asking "Do you wanna tell me about that?"

Rachel took a deep thoughtful breath and exhaled it slowly, after clearing her throat she began to speak

"He was diagnosed 3 months after my Dad died. But it was too late, it was stage 4 pancreatic cancer, there was nothing that could be done. He was given 3 months tops but rode it out a further 9 months. In the end, he suffered. It lasted for days. Every time his breath stopped my heart stopped beating and then he would cough or twitch, and everytime that happened, I wished that it wouldn't I wished that every breath was his last" she stopped fidgeting and looked everywhere in the room before turning her attention back to Baki.

"Do you know how fucked up it is to wish someone you loved so much would die, even if it was to end their suffering? I'd lay awake each night listening to him screaming out in pain, knowing he was suffering so badly that I wanted him to pass away in his sleep, then I'd feel like the worst person in the world because I wanted him to die"

"that's only natural"

"Its natural to want your father to die?"

"Its natural to want his suffering to end"

"Oh"

"What about extended family?"

"It was just us,well I kinda have a biological mother but we don't get on"

"Why do you think that is?"

Rachel looked to the side, "Its a long story", Baki sat forward to try and gain Rachel's attention. "We have all the time you need" she offered kindly but after watching Rachel drop her eyes to the floor and shake her head, she sat back again.

"Ok, lets go from a different angle, tell me how we got to here, from as far back as you can remember until today"

Rachel's eyes widened, and shot to the clock on the wall, they where already a good 20 minutes into the hour session, theres no way she could possibly go through everything.

Baki smiled when she saw the hesistancy on Rachel's face

"It doesn't have to be day to day account, just a brief overview of what you think is important.

Rachel nodded and began. She relaxed more and more as she talked about kindergarten, singing classes , ballet classes, awards comeptitions, Grade school. Middle school and freshman year of high school, even letting little smiles grace her lips as she told a handful of stories but she stiffened the second it got to talking about her second year at high school and stopped talking.

"I think that's a good place to stop" Baki offered noting Rachel's tense grip on the armchair and picked up the discarded file and writing in its pages. Rachel sighed and looked around the room again. Trying to fathom if she felt better or worse.

"My initial assessment is that you haven't properly grieved for both your father's deaths, when you spoke about your father's heart attack, it was factual, almost clinical and very brief, you didn't talk about how it made you feel almost as though you where detached. It was the same when you spoke about your other father's death, it was factual but you did open up a little about your thought process but again not your feelings, the way you spoke about your father Leroy's death was enough to make the strongest of people crumble, but you didn't react, the only time you showed any emotion was when you spoke about your childhood.

Rachel nodded in understanding.

"I think you might be suffering from slight PTSD, do you know what that is?"

Rachel nodded again "Isn't that what people who have been in wars or traumatic experience suffer from?"

Baki smiled, "Yes, but it's not limited to those circumstances. What happened to you with both your fathers was very traumatic, I don't think you've grieved for either death. So that's one thing we'll have to work on" Baki smiled,

"Is there anything you want to ask me?" Baki asked kindly, Rachel looked back to her hand and shook her head.

"Ok, I'll see you on Friday then, You done really well today Rachel, trust me it does get easier" she smilled taking to her feet and after giving Rachel a moment to stand up too she led her back out of the room.

* * *

 **Quinn**

Lima is a place Quinn never thought she would ever step foot in again. Ten years had passed, ten years that she had managed to avoid coming back to the place that was her childhood home but also her definition of Hell.

McKinley High was exactly the same way it was the day she graduated. She thought over the years it would have adapted in some way, she didn't know what she expected but she expected something more than this. She also expected a feeling of familiarity to wash over her, that was the reason she came here today, she needed to be centred, she needed something in the town she grew up in to make her feel something other than the guilt that was eating away at her.

Her boots scruffed long the gravel as she walked the outside of the fence, letting the fingers of her right hadn't run along the chain mail metal while her left hand played with the cigarette packet in the pocket of her grey pea coat. She tried to force happy memories into her mind as she stopped outside the football field. She had spent most of her high school career there, on that patch of grass is where her and the other cheerleaders would practise their lifts, their moves and their dances. She looked to the track with coach sylvester would make them do endless suicides when they got all the previous wrong. Then she looked to the line where she stood proudly leading her cheerios on game night. Closing her eyes she could almost hear the volume of the crowd, she could almost smell the hotdogs and she could almost muster that feeling of pure serinty when she stood on top of a successful pyramid, it was euphoric, or at least that's how she remembered it. Hearing a voice she snapped her eyes open in time to see the empty field fill up with the football team. She looked to her watch "shit"

It was late in the afternoon, school was about to be out and she wanted to move before that happened but her body wouldn't cooperate, this was her last stop before THEE stop. She was only back for a few days but felt like she had to see everything before the day was out fearing that once the meeting had taken place she would do what she always did and run.

Hurriedly she moved back towards her car and sped off. After living in New Haven for the past decade Lima just seemed so damn small. She forgot how small the town actually was, and how little time it took to drive anywhere. In under ten minutes she had made it to her destination. a lot sooner than she intended to and a lot sooner than she needed. Her heart thudded against her breastbone as she killed the engine and sat back in her seat eyeing the house. Weeks of planning had culminated to this moment, it had also been 10 years since she sae her. She was a completely different person now, what if she never reconignised her? What if she didn't want to see her anymore?. What if it was all too much for both of them?. She didn't want to hurt the girl anymore than she already had but at the same time she was desperate and desperately wanting to see what was on the other side of the blue door.

She sat forward again and adjusted the rear view mirror to look at her face, to herself she looked exactly the same as she did in high school, the only real evidence that she had aged was that her skin was taughter against her cheekbones, her eyes weren't as bright and as much as she tried to deny it lines where appearing st the side of them. She sighed knowing she was on the wrong side of 25 closing in on 30. A noise brought her back to the reality and as she looked up at the blue door that was closed before she saw a familiar brunette hovering in the now open doorway straining to look at her. All the blood in her body cascaded to her chest and her heart struggled to pump the excess around her body, her heartbeat thudded in her ears, " _get a grip"_ she rushed out to herself and pushed open her car door and took the first tentative step towards the house.

Her eyes fell to the pathway, she could feel eyes bore into the top of her skull and she hated herself for wasting time in the car, this would have been so much easier if the door had remained closed and she had to knock on it, instead she walked up the unrelenting pathway with her eyes fixed firmly to the ground feeling like she was doing the worst walk of shame imaginable. She stopped when her eyes found two feet and she finally looked up, her eyes scanning the slender body stood in front of her,the years had been good to her, she looked exactly as Quinn remembered, she hadn't aged at all and it made her question everything about her own beauty regime.

"Thank you so much for coming, Quinn" the brunette stepped back and allowed her to step into the house

"Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world" a genuine smile finally spreading across her lips, "let me take you coat", Quinn unbuttoned herself and shrugged the fabric off her body before handing it to the brunette.

"After you" Quinn looked to where she moitioned to go and after politely shaking her head she stepped into the livingroom only for her body to come to a halt when she came face to face with her 10 year old daughter. Her feet rooted themselves into the carpet and she lost all ability to think or talk, her heart was thundering, her head was misty and her skin was on fire.

"Can I get you a drink Quinn?" Shelby smiled stepping into the room, gaining Quinn's attention.

"Um, coffee please," Quinn croaked out and watched as Shelby walked towards her daughter and run a comforting hand up her arm. After receiving an understanding nod from the young girl she moved away and walked towards another doorway within the room "I'll just go and put the coffee on". Leaving just the two of them in the room standing facing each other but not looking at each other. what seemed like hours had passed before the silence was broken by the young girl.

"Hey"

Quinn cursed herself for not taking charge of the situation and being an adult but the second she stepped into the room her body stopped responding to anything other than sheer panic.

"Hi Beth" she smiled "how are you?"

She watched as the girl shrugged her shoulders "I'm ok, I guess. Do you, uhm, wanna sit down?"

Quinn smiled and sat down on the Maroon fabric sofa carefully watched by Beth. Who waited until Quinn was comfortable before sitting on the same sofa and faced her. Quinn studied the girl, she was a smaller version of herself, well not actually. She was a version of what she used to look like when she was Lucy. But she was beautiful, she had Her eyes, the exact same tone and the exact same lighting and she had her cheek bones but she had Finn's hair colour and his enthralling cheeky smile. She was a perfect mixture of them both,and it made her heart melt knowing there was still a piece of him out there, she could feel Beth's eyes on her as she tried to hold back tears that where pooling in her eyes.

"How is school?" It was stupid and not what she wanted to ask but it was all she could manage.

"It's fine"

"Do you like it?"

"Suppose, I like music and sometimes English"

Quinn smiled to herself, those where the two she preferred.

"Are you part of any clubs?"

"Drama and choir, mom said when I go to high school I have to join the glee club"

Quinn grinned,

"Wanna know a secret?" Quinn asked leaning forward, the young girl eyed her suspiciously before nodding slowly

"I used to be in the glee club"

She watched as the girls eyebrows arched with excited surprise, "really?"

Quinn nodded enthatically, "yes, I was in the New directions"

"OMG so was my sister Rachel!, what age are you? You might know her!"

Quinn sprung back, her head filling with fuzz, it didn't even occur to her that Beth would know of Rachel, it was stupid really but she had completely forgotten that Shelby was also Rachel's mom and that she might possibly be a part of their lives

"Everything ok?" Shelby asked entering the room with a mug of coffee, Beth instantly took to her feet and moved towards her pulling her further into the room.

"Mom Quinn was in the New Directions, she's the same age as Rachel right?"

Shelby smiled at her daughter but looked worriedly at Quinn, "yeah baby, they where friends"

"Really?" She asked turning her attention more to Quinn who nodded slowly.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up for dinner" Shelby said smoothing her hands through her daughters hair and cupping her cheeks. Beth looked at Quinn before turning on her heel and rushing out of the room.

Shelby sat down in the same spot Beth had just occupied, "I'm sorry, I didn't think Rachel would come up"

"It's ok, high school was a long time ago" Quinn lied, the mention on her name had stirred something inside of her, something that she had tried to squash down many many years ago. "How is she?"

Shelby pulled at the hem of her skirt and looked down to her hands and swiped off something that Quinn was sure wasn't there in the first place. Shelby looked back to the blonde, regarding her question with trepidation, "she's good"

Quinn nodded fighting the urge to ask a million questions. She didn't want to know, no.. she can't know. If she knew even the slightest thing about her it would open a can of worms. She would need to know everything, she would need to see her. She wasn't ready for that, she would never be ready for that. Plus she would be doing the last thing Rachel told her not to and that was to ' _stay the fuck out of her life'._

* * *

 **A/N 2:**

Rachel's experience of going to therapy is based loosely on mine, PTSD is something that I suffered from, and this was how it was diagnosed. I understand different people have different experiences of both the disease and therapy, So I apologise If I have offended or hurt anyone.

J.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter has detailed flashbacks in it, I've tried to label and line-off the flashbacks so its clear when flashbacks start and finish and what is present. If there is anything that anybody is unhappy with I'm more than happy to take criticisms.

hope you like this chapter.

* * *

"So, Rachel tell me about high school"

It was a simple enough question, but Rachel stumbled. She had been asked it over a thousand time before and normally would answer with a fake, "It was the best time of my life". But here she was, sat in front of her therapist and for the first time in many years she was ready to give the answer she had always wanted.

"it was the best and worst time of my life"

"Why do you think that was?"

Rachel thought, there was no simple answer. Looking down to her fingers she pulled on them. She knew the answer wanted to give but verbalising it was proving harder than she anticipated. She pulled on her index finger until she felt a pop and finally looked back to Baki, taking a deep breath, she steadied herself

"Because of her"

"Who?"

Rachell dipped her head again, her heart tugging in her chest just at the thought of the girl from her past who still haunted her present.

"Quinn", her voice was quiet as the name hummed from her lips.

Baki thumbed through her notes scanning each page until her eyes stopped and she looked back to Rachel.

"Ah, the cheerleader" she said and waited for Rachel to reply with a nod, "Who was she to you?"

Rachel wanted to sink into the seat and engulf herself within the cushions. She thought long and hard, the only rational thing springing to her mouth was.

"Everything.

Baki raised an eyebrow and sat forward "In what sense?"

"Every sense" Rachel sighed "She was my tormenter and my best friend. Hateful but so loving . She could make me laugh until I cried but cry until I was physically sick. . She was my worst nightmare masquerading as the girl of my dreams. She ruined me"

Baki didn't respond instead she waited for Rachel to carry on herself.

"but, I would do it all again, every single part of it. Because at the end of the day, when there were no halls, no lockers, no classes. No cheerleaders, no football team. No glee kids When it was just me and her, I loved her and she loved me it was that simple"

Baki took a deep breath and sat back in her chair. Trying to devour all the information. Before eventually saying "Take it back to the start, when did you first notice her?"

Rachel exhaled a deep breath "The first time I laid eyes on her"

"ok, when do you think she noticed you?"

Rachel sat back. the truth of the matter was, she wasn't sure when Quinn first noticed her, she had a vague idea of how it happened but not when.

* * *

 _ **9th grade - freshman year.**_

"And Quinn is pregnant" Sue said instantly drawing her eyes to the blonde. The entire choir room fell silent, some looking towards Quinn the rest looking everywhere but. Rachel was one of the students who was staring at Quinn, guilt consuming her, she was going to kill Ben Israel when she got her hands on him, the notion of which caused her skin to itch. Her eyes never left the blonde as she silently stood up and looked to her left where Finn was sitting with his head hung low before running out the room. Nobody moved. Nobody said anything, Even Finn just sat there dumbstruck, not even flinching as the door slammed shut behind his girlfriend. Rachel took to her feet before her brain caught up to her and stopped at the side of the aisle where Finn, Santana and Quinn's now vacant chair was.

"Aren't any of you going to go after her?" she asked eyeing both with equal disappointment.

"Stay out of it Berry" Santana warned but Finn didn't say anything, he wasn't even man enough to lift his eyes from the floor.

Rachel shook her head "Shame on both of you" she said making her way across the room and out the door.

The hall was quiet due to the school day being over and Glee being the ony club on at that time., looking up and down the hall she tried to decipher which direction the cheerleader had run off in, scolding herself for even caring. Why should?, it's not as though she had ever been showed anything other than malice from the other girl. She couldn't control herself though as her feet started towards a noise she assumed was the main door to school banging shut and assumed Quinn was heading to the parking lot.

Quinn's car was bright red, meaning it wasn't difficult to spot especially in the near empty parking lot. As she moved towards it. her lungs feeling heavy with dread she tried to force her body to turn around and go back to the choir room, this was such a stupid idea and left her open to a slushy facial tomorrow. Rachel looked up to the sky as a grey cloud rolled over and sprinkles of rain started to fall onto her, she pulled her arms tight around her body and walked faster cursing herself for not having the mind to grab some sort of coat, she still couldn't believe that she was really doing this. she was surely setting herself up to be ridiculed tomorrow. Closing in she could now see Quinn through the passenger window, slumped over the steering wheel with her head buried onto her crossed over arms. she watched apprehensively as the blonde's shoulders shook violently.

She clenched her hands together a few times and rocked on the balls of her feet, lifting her hands a few times but dropping them quickly before fianally softly rapping her knuckles on the window. Quinn's head instantly sprung up and looked towards Rachel, her eyes where red and bulging from her face and Rachels heart saddened. She looked so vulnerable, a word Rachel would never think to use to describe the girl before and that shocked her more than the state she had found the girl in. Quinn looked away and reached for her keys and before Rachel could react the engine revved into life and the car practically screeched out of the parking lot leaving Rachel rooted to the spot watching an empty space.

"Rachel?" a voice behind her pulled her back to reality and she instantly spun on her heel and found Finn standing behind her. "What are you doing out here?" he asked looking around them both at the near empty lot.

"I erm." She looked back to where Quinn's car had been

"Why didn't you go after her?" She asked still not looking at him.

"Who?" he asked dumbly trying to look at whatever held Rachel's attention. And practically jumped back when Rachel spun back around, "Quinn"

"Oh, um.." She watched as he dragged his hand over the back of his neck and looked off to the side, "I panicked. This is kind of a huge deal Rachel. She's going to go nuts, and I'm not ready to deal with scary Quinn"

"Do you think this is easy for her, Finn I can't even begin to imagine what she is feeling right now, , this is going to destroy her reputation. While I'll never understand why that Is so important to people like you, it's important to her and when something you've fought so hard for gets ripped away from you, you need someone to be there for you and that has to be you Finn, because everything is going to be so much worse from now on and people finding out isn't going to be the worst part"

"Why do you care so much, you don't even like her" He snapped.

"That's isn't true, and it doesn't matter anyway, she needed someone and neither you or her friends ran after her!"

"I just needed a minute, its happening to me too you know!"

She watched as he tried to ignore the tears that where pooling in his eyes causing guilt to engulf her and tear apart at her insides.

"You're right, I wasn't thinking" she said taking a step forward and holding out her arms to him to invite him for a hug, but he glared at her at her before dragging his sleeve across his eyes.

"Just stay out of it Rachel its nothing to do with you"

* * *

"So, you think that's when she noticed you?"

"No, I it wasn't until the summer of that year, but she always told me that's when she saw me as the only person who was truly capable of being there for her, even if she did speed away without letting me be"

"Why do you think she sped away?"

"I dunno, I supposed we weren't really friends at that point"

"Where you ever really friends?"

Rachel looked at Baki and smiled "Of course"

"And, what about Finn?"

"That's another long story" she sighs

"Ok, we'll get to that later, tell me about Quinn noticing you"

* * *

 _ **Summer vacation: before 10th Grade**_

"Dad no!"

Hiram shook his head and walked past his angry daughter, she was the most furious she had ever been in her life. She wanted to scream out loud and seriously thought about it until realising that it would damage her vocal abilities. Heat rushed to her face as she followed him through the lounge to the kitchen.

"It's only for a week Rachel, she's my good friend and she needs help"

"Yeah, but her daughter is a bitch"

"Rachel Barbra Berry that is quite enough of that kind of language" Leroy scolded as he walked in on his husband and daughter facing off against each other when all he wanted was to refill his coffee.

"I take it you told her then" he raised his eyebrow looking between the two loves of his life.

Rachel huffed and crossed her arms over her chest angrily looking off into the distance, she had never felt rage like this before, it felt like it was spiralling through her bulding up so much pressure that it was sure to erupt. Leroy eyed her and moved closer to her wrapping his arm around her tightened shoulder and hugged her into himself, smiling and kissing her forehead as he felt her soften and lean into him. Leroy shook his head at his husbands ability to calm even the angriest of Rachels.

"Baby, Its only for a week. They need somewhere to go while their roof is being fixed"

"I don't understand why they can't just go to a hotel" she sighed petulantly into his chest

"Stop being selfish Rachel, Judy doesn't have the money for that and we have a guest room. Judy and Quinn are staying and that's the end of it" Hiram said giving a pointed look to Rachel over his glasses and ignoring the scolding eyes from his husband and walked out of the kitchen

She pulled free from her fathers embrace and looked up at his kind eyes.

"it's going to be ok" he soothed "I thought you were friends with Quinn"

"We're in Glee together, but were not friends"

"Maybe you will be after spending some time together" he said kindly.

She scoffed but cuddled into her father tighter "I highly doubt it"

* * *

"Didn't you tell your fathers about the bullying?"

Rachel shook her head, "Honestly, I never felt like I was bullied"

Baki looked at her with a very highly raised eyebrow.

"Did they call me names, yes, but they called everyone names. Did they slushie me? yes, but they slushied everyone who wasn't a jock of a cheerleader. It's just the way it was, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I never felt like it was a personal attack, not really" she replied shrugging

"What names did they call you?"

Rachel, smiled as the list presented in her head and began to count them off on her fingers one by one, "RuPaul, Man hands, Treasure trail, Stubbles, midget, dwarf, hobbit and so on"

"And you don't think any of those names are personal?" Baki was watching her every move. s

"yeah obviously they are personal, but, I guess I just never took them to heart" Rachel did her best to do a casual shrug "At the time it didn't occur to me to mind"

"If you didn't mind, why was it so easy for you to recall the names?"

Her breath caught in her throat. She never had an answer for her because there was no answer, Baki was right. Each name that she was called did hurt her, but only the first time she has been called it, but after a while she just kind of got used to it and in a weird sense became fascinated with what they would come up with next.

"Did you like the attention?" Baki asked and smiled to herself when Rachel's head sprung up.

"Attention?"

"You're a star Rachel and you were a star in the making back then"

"are you asking me if I enjoyed it?"

"didn't you?"

Rachel eyed the woman and let a knowing smirk corner her mouth. "Maybe"

"When those kids gave you attention, even though it wasn't nice. It was still something you craved"

Rachel nodded, it was something she always knew deep down and thought she was insane but having someone else, who she barely knew say it to her made it seemed less so.

"so what does that say about me?" Rachel asked,

"what do you think it says about you?"

"That I'm pathetic"

"Why do you think you're pathetic?"

"Seriously, look at my life. Its pathetic" Rachel, shrugged but looked away from Baki. "I'm that pathetic nobody stays, sooner or later Everybody leaves me"

"who is everybody?" Baki, asked folding over a piece of paper from her notepad,

"Quinn, my father's, Shelby and everybody who ever claimed to be my friend"

"Tell me about Shelby"

"There's not much to tell, She's my biological mother. We don't really have a relationship"

"Isn't she named in your bail papers?" She reached for the file to confirm but Rachel had already nodded

"I needed bailed and there was no-one else, it was a means to an end"

"but you named her as someone who left you"

"because she did, She's only in my life out of obligation"

"Why do you think that?"

"The day she bailed me was the first time I'd seen her in years, we're kind of stuck with each other until the hearing" Rachel was looking everywhere in the room. eyes flicking from wall to window to wall before settling back on Baki.

"Tell me about Shelby's family"

"It's just her and her 10-year-old daughter Beth" Rachel said after sighing.

"What about Beth's father?"

Rachel looked at Baki with smile tugging at her lips and almost laughed out loud.

"Shelby adopted Beth from Quinn and Finn"

"Seriously?"

Rachel nodded a bigger grin forming on her lips as Baki's eyes widened and she began furiously scribbling on the page.

The session didn't last much longer after that. Rachel explained the whole Shelby story to a enthralled Baki, who looked at her like she was making the story up on the spot. As she walked outside the building she found herself smiling when she thought about how seriously fucked up her entire life was. To the point it was funny. Her so called mother who surrogated for her two fathers, had adopted the illegitimate daughter of her ex-boyfriend and her ex-girlfriend. It was actually surprising that she wasn't in some sort of therapy until now. The smile however didn't last long when she looked around the near empty street, noting that Shelby was either late again or not showing up at all which is just fucking typical.

Taking out her cell, she sighed when she saw the empty screen proving that Shelby had forgotten to pick her up. It was so infuriating relying on someone else for a ride. Hitting the screen a few times she lifted it to her ear and waited for the ringing to subside

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm coming now" Shelby sighed

"Don't bother, I'll make my own way"

"Rachel" the disembodied voice came from the phone before she hung up.

She looked around herself and began to move towards the bus stop, passing by a bar she fought every urge her body was screaming at her, forcing her head down she told herself it was just like every other store on this street. She didn't need anything from them and she didn't need anything from that either. But her body was craving for just a taste. Just a little bit. She didn't need anything more than that. She could do this. She could be that kind of person who could have just one little drink without it turning into a 4-day affair. She was stronger now, therapy was proving that.

Looking to the doorway she envisioned herself walking in and having a glass of white wine, she could feel the stem of the glass on her fingertip, she could smell the fruit in her nostrils and she could almost taste the nectar in her mouth. Her heart quickened, it was possible to just have one glass. She was an adult, she could make her own decisions, licking her bottom lip she started to move towards the inviting doorway when she heard the sound of a distant car horn in her periphery, she was about to ignore it until it sounded louder and was accompanied by a familiar voice.

"Rachel!",

Turning towards the voice she saw her 10-year-old sister bounding towards her, arms already stretched as she got closer and wrapped herself around her mid body. She smiled and held onto the younger girl. All previous urges evaporated the second she wrapped her arms around the girl and pulled her tight into her.

"I've really missed you" the pre-teen said before finally releasing Rachel, "I've missed you too" Rachel replied running a comforting hand through Beth's light brown hair.

"Guess who I saw on Wednesday?" she said brightly after pulling back, excitement buzzing from her as she stood jumping from foot to foot.

"Beth, go and wait in the car" Shelby ordered suddenly appearing beside them, a flursh of red springing through her cheeks. Rachel eyed her, eyebrow raising at how flustered she seemed to be.

"We have to talk about something" she finally said as both of them watched Beth trudge out of earshot and loudly huff as she got into the car. Rachel rolled her eyes towards Shelby which made her laugh as she settled into the back of the car.

"Rachel"

"What?" she sighed and turned her eyes back to Shelby.

"Beth wanted to meet Quinn"

Her stomach folded in on itself at just the mention of her name and Shelby looked worriedly towards her before flicking her eyes to her other daughter.

"Are you ok?" Shelby attempted to place her hand on Rachel's shoulder but met thin air when Rachel hunched her shoulder away, "Wednesday?" croaked from her throat, Shelby nodded

"I wanted to tell you before it happened"

"Why didn't you?" Rachel snapped her eyes to Shelby, rage surging through them.

Shelby crossed her arms across her chest and eyed the bar to the left of them that Rachel had nearly stumbled into, she didn't realise she had been so obvious until she looked back at Rachel whose eyes where still fixed on the doorway.

"Ah, so you thought the first thing I would do is get drunk and make a fool of myself or was it make a fool of you?"

"I didn't say that" Shelby defended

"You didn't have to" Rachel said before taking off in the opposite direction, leaving Shelby shouting after her.


	4. 3

A/N: I ballsed up!. This is should have been the end of chapter 2, but I uploaded only half and didn't realise until I was going back through it. I had been using the app to upload but will strictly only used laptop from now on. Thank you for all the follows and favourites so far, I really appreciate them. I'm still trying to figure this story out. If there's anything you like/dislike please let me know.

* * *

"Fuck, Fuck fuuuuuck".

What the fuck was she going to do now? Quinn had been or possibly was still in Lima. She didn't know what to do with this information other than walk from one side of her small living-room to the other pacing frantically while playing with a plastic chip in the pocket of her coat that she hadn't managed to take off. Quinn could be in town. The town she was in. the town that she jogged through every day. She walked to her bay window and looked out as though she was looking for her. As though through the darkening late afternoon she would be able to pick up her scent and hone in on her like some sort of weird ass predator.

To top it off Shelby had kept it a secret, which to be fair was probably the best idea considering the eruption of feelings that where going on inside her at this present moment. She would be lying if she said reaching for a bottle wasn't her initial thought when she walked away from Shelby. It was always her thought. When she woke in the morning, when she was happy, when she was sad, when she was angry. When she was hungry and basically every moment in between. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out the plastic chip and looked at it. Really looked at it, probably for the first time since it was given to her a few days ago. She had been proud, proud to have made it 60 days and then sad, so very sad that this is what her life had equated to.

Her cell began ringing again and she sighed, it was the twentieth time since she had walked away. She hated the fact it was false. Everything with Shelby was false. She didn't care about Rachel not really. She saw the difference when she looked at Beth, she saw the love, the compassion, the pride. But when Shelby turned her eyes to her all she seen was disappointment. Rachel had fallen and reached out to the one person she had left and that one person hated her for it. She didn't understand why she was even bothering to call her now. Rachel was in her apartment. Where she should be, Shelby would surely know if she wasn't soon enough.

After pacing for another 30 minutes she finally calmed down. The coat came off and she threw herself down onto the fabric sofa. Her head lulling back and eyes closing, she tried to forget about today. She tried to forget about Quinn. She tried to forget about everything. Even tried to forget about the foreign object that was digging into the skin of her hip, she was tired, far too tired to even care that it was sore. It was another 5 minutes before she shifted and reached down the inside of the sofa and pulled the iPad out from her skin.

She looks at it like it's the first time she's ever seen it. It seems heavier than it should be. Her fingers slid up the side of it until they could go no further and she pushes on the obstacle to bring the screen to life. She shouldn't be doing this, it's not healthy behaviour. Yet she can't stop herself. In two pushes to the screen, she's in Instagram and she's searched for Quinn. It wasn't hard/ it took her all of 60 seconds. She sighed of disappointment, there was no new uploads since the last time she had checked. Using her thumb and index finger she scrolled on the screen enlarging the last photo Quinn had put up of herself.

She was just as beautiful as Rachel remembered, her face had changed, it had become older, more refined. Her cheekbones were sharper and her skin seemed tighter, she had lost her soft teenage looks and was now a gorgeous woman. Her hair was longer too, from what she could see from the photo it sat silkily on her shoulders, maybe a little longer. The picture was black and white. Just Quinn from the neck up. Looking hauntingly at the camera, a sad half smile donned her lips and she had a dullness in her eyes that made Rachel's heart hurt. It made her want to harm who or whatever stole the light from them. She focused on her eyes and tried to make that part of the photo bigger but the iPad slid and in an attempt to stop it from falling her fingers smashed against the screen causing a solitary white heart to spring on the screen signalling that she had liked the photo. Her heart thundered against so hard she could feel it in her ears, it pushed the blood around her system so thick and fast that her head spun and a coldness rushed through her veins.

She Sprung to her feet and prodded the screen _motherfucker,_ _shit_ and pleads of "no,no,no" left her lips as she was trying to unlike it as fast as possible and gripped the bastard in her hands like if she squeezed it hard enough it would break into pieces and destroy what she had just done . She finally breathed out hoping that she had got to it before it caused a notification and threw it on the coffee table and swore to herself that she would never touch the fucking thing again in her life. Maybe just once to make sure she had successfully turned the red heart to white.

* * *

 _Official_rachel_ liked your post_

Quinn's heart froze. It only appeared on her screen for a second but she saw it. She had dropped her phone when the notification registered on the screen but Luckily it didn't fall far. She had been sitting on the small wall outside Shelby's house waiting for the occupants to return from wherever it was they were late back from. She should be angry that Shelby hadn't bothered to so much as text her but it was her last day here. For the next couple of weeks anyway. She should just walk away but she couldn't give up another chance to see Beth again.

She looked down at the screen once more, the notification had disappeared almost as fast as it appeared. It made her doubt if it was really there to begin with or was her eyes deceiving her by showing her something her mind wanted to see. Or was it Lima, had she been here too long that it was starting to do things to her? she was going crazy, well crazier. Instagram was a spectacular thing, really isn't it? You can literally stalk anyone at any time and no-one is none the wiser. _God bless the perv who invented social media,_ the thought made her smile as she was about to click into Rachel's page.

"Beth wait!"

Quinn looked up in time to see Beth throwing the car door shut and angrily stamping towards the house and therefore towards her, With Shelby trying to catch up with her. The look of anger on the girls face was comical, her face was all twisted and a charming shade of red. Quinn thought it was the cutest thing she had ever seen and almost smiled until she saw the look on Shelby's face which caused the smile playing on her lips to completely dissipate.

Eventually the young girl came to a halt when she realised Quinn was standing there and she couldn't physically get into the house without Shelby unlocking the door but she didn't say anything instead she stood there folding her arms over her chest and a bemused look on her face. Quinn really wanted to laugh because all she could see in the young girl was herself staring back at her. It really was uncanny and suddenly she felt really guilty for every bad mood she had made her own mother suffer.

After Shelby had caught up and made her apologies to Quinn, all three entered the house with Beth running up the stairs and slamming the door shut. Causing both the adults to flinch, Quinn suddenly wanted to b anywhere but in this hallway, her eyes fixating on everything other than the other person stood only a few feet away.

"I'm really sorry about that, I don't know what's got into her" Shelby sighed while toeing of her shoes.

"It's ok, don't worry about" Quinn did her best to smile "I remember when I was that age, The world was so unfair" she rolled her eyes sarcastically and Shelby smile politely.

"Should I go?" she didn't want to, she could feel her stomach plummet at just the thought of not being able to see Beth again and was relieved when Shelby shook her head

"Don't be silly, I'm not letting this go to waste because my daughter decided to throw a tantrum"She said holding up the netted bags that Quinn had only just noticed was in her hand. "She'll calm down or she'll get hungry, either way she'll be down in half an hour tops" Shelby had already made her way to the kitchen leaving Quinn looking up the staircase at nothing.

Quinn finally followed her into the kitchen and watched as she began to unpack the bag onto the counter. Awkwardly hovering in the doorway, not knowing whether she should be helping or sitting down. In any other circumstances, she would walk over and help, without even questioning it. This however wasn't normal circumstances, far fucking from it. She was standing in the house of her former teacher who was making dinner for her and her daughter, whom she had gave up for adoption, if that wasn't bad enough the formal teacher also happened to be birth mother to the person who wrecked her life so much so that she thought she was incapable of loving another person.

"Does she," Quinn stopped when Shelby looked around, "I mean does this happen a lot?". She felt like she had no right to ask this question, it was none of her business really, but she had to say something, she had to put a stop to the deafening silence that was had engulfed the room.

Shelby sighed "Yeah, she's just being dramatic. She's blaming me for Rachel storming off. I swear if I didn't know any better …." She trailed off mid conversation when she saw Quinn's eyes widen. Quinn took a step back, every millimetre of breath seemed to evaporate from her body like she had been punched in the chest. Shelby put down the jar that was in her hand and moved towards the blonde, she had never see the colour drain from someone so quickly before and it was almost frightening.

"Are you ok?" Shelby was visibly worried and tried to get as close to Quinn as possible, being ready to catch her in case she passed out. Which by the looks of things was going to happen any second.

Her mind was whirring with a million thoughts, she knew that Shelby and Beth had some sort of relationship with Rachel. But she figured it was a holiday thing or at the very least a Skype thing. It had never occurred to her that Rachel would be in Lima, Rachel was in Lima, Shelby was with Rachel today, was that why they were late back? was Rachel supposed to come here for dinner too, Shelby said Rachel had stormed off. Did she storm off because she knew Quinn was here? Her heart fell at the point, of course that's why she stormed off. Everything clicked into place. Shelby had obviously told Rachel she was here, and she stormed off because, well, why wouldn't she? And that's also why she got the cryptic notification. It all made perfect sense. Except it didn't, not really. Nothing made sense when it came to Rachel, not even how she felt for her.

"I think we better talk about somethings" Shelby said taking Quinn's arm and leading her towards the mahogany dining table. "Wine?", Quinn nodded slowly, knowing that it was a statement, not a question by the way Shelby hadn't waited for her reply and had already began pouring out two glasses.

"So," Shelby sat down across from Quinn, carefully taking a sip from her drink before linking her fingers together and placing her joined hands on the table making Quinn feel like she was at some sort of interview. "Rachel has moved back here for the next few months", Quinn's eyes darted around the room looking for something of Rachel's and Shelby smiled in understanding "She's not living in this house, she has her own place", Quinn felt instant relief but then wondered if she wasn't living here then where was she living, and why wasn't she living here if it was only for a few months, but then she was thankful that she wasn't.

"After her fathers died, she kind of" Shelby shrugged, "Lost herself I guess". Quinn's mum had told her they both passed away, she was sad when she heard when they both passed away and did consider going to their funerals but she couldn't, she couldn't cause Rachel anymore pain when she was going through the hardest thing a person will go through.

I take it you didn't know?" Shelby asked seeing the reaction but Quinn nodded her head and feebly almost whispered "no, I knew. I just haven't spoken to her since high school". Shelby rose an eyebrow, and Guilt tugged at Quinn's chest. "We sort of drifted apart". "sadly, it happens" Shelby smiled kindly seeing the obvious hurt on the blondes face. "Quinn, you can tell me to mind my own business, but I've got to ask". She didn't respond at first, because she knew what she was about to be asked. It was the question Finn asked her all the time back then, it was a question Rachel screamed at her the last time she saw her. It was the question she knew a million answers to but none of them could actually reflect what she felt on the inside.

"What was she to you?", Quinn exhaled the breath she didn't realise she was holding onto. She knew the question was coming but She still couldn't answer. not for the first time, not to Shelby.

"Mom?" The disembodied voice came from the livingroom and Quinn sighed in relief which never went unnoticed by Shelby.

"In here sweetie" the older woman called and slid her chair back giving Quinn a look to say _we're coming back to this._ Beth entered the kitchen, and all moodiness from earlier has evaporated from her face and she was back to being the smiling chip girl Quinn remembers.

"What's for dinner?" She asked walking over to Shelby who was now standing by the edge of the table and nudged her eyes to Beth to say ' _see,told you'._ For a second Quinn smiled but then jealously ripped through her as she watched Beth hug her mother and apologise, this should be her. This should be her kitchen, her moment but it wasn't, she was an outsider watching what should be her life.

"Before you start, I'm not here to argue. I just need to get my court..." Rachel came hurtling through the kitchen doorway and stopped dead in her tracks after her eyes flashed around the room and landed on Quinn.


End file.
